is your mom at the bar?
if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
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