just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
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