The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
Randomize