um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
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