Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Randomize
