no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
P.S. I can't hear my feet
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
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