I'm so fucking centered right now
I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
Randomize