My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
