What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
