I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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