Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
Randomize
