i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
Randomize
