So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
