I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
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