You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
Randomize
