i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
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