All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
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it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
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