I'm fascinated by her cleavage. She has deep cleavage, but no obvious boobage to speak of. Check it out.
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
Randomize
