Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Randomize
