I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
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woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
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Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
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