on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
Randomize
