He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
