some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
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