you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
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