i was rollin on her like bob the builder
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
Randomize
