i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
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