college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
You know, be my cock's hype man.
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
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