we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Randomize
