i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
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