Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
Randomize
