lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Randomize