party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
Randomize
