Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
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