the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
Randomize
