I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
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