What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
tonight lets celebrate not being married
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
Randomize
