I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Randomize
