Apparently you make a good broom.
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
Randomize
