I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
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