I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize
