my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
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