I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
Randomize
