its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
Randomize
