Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
Randomize
