So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Randomize
