I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
