It's like a parade of train wrecks.
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
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