Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
That reminds me...we need to get swords
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
