I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
it's like heaven, but drunker
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
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