i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
Randomize
