Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
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