Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
