He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
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