He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
Randomize
