this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
Randomize
