My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
Randomize
