and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Randomize
