Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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