Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
Randomize
