Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
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