Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
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